A Committee of Correspondence

A Committee of Correspondence

To Arizona: MANY Sincere Thanks & A Suggestion

Arizona has gotten it right again. It is, indeed, the duty of the state to enforce the laws of the land even when the criminal is an illegal immigrant! So congratulations! And thank you! We love it when someone actually gets it right. It’s refreshing to see.

Arizona gets it right on a regular basis. We’re not sure what happened to your judgment in electing Janet Napolitano as governor, but we’ve admired your stand on daylight “slavings” time for years. And your tent-city-style prison brings smiles to our faces. We are sorry to say that we reside in a state whose criminal element was labeled by Texan corrections officers as “too spoiled” when they had to be sent to Texas while we were taxed to build a more luxurious prison than the one our prisoners had torched. Texas declined to keep our spoiled prisoners and sent them back. That showed good sense on the part of Texas, too. So, while we are without hope for our own state, we are not without hope for Texas in regards to law enforcement even when the criminals in question are illegal immigrants.

Now, one can be forgiven for thinking that law enforcement by the folks tasked with enforcing the laws is a “no-brainer,” but apparently a very vocal part of our country has developed a form of anencephaly which allows them to learn to speak even though they are incapable of thinking.

We are sorry to admit it, but we are actually acquainted with at least two such individuals. The hard part is that we are constrained to spend an evening with these people at least twice a year. Preparation for these evenings include a couple of weeks of prayer and fasting on our part. We believe it involves alcohol consumption on their parts. We have often wondered about the need for fasting but on Friday the reason for this became obvious: if we had not deliberately weakened ourselves prior to the event, then we would have been much more likely to strangle the nitwits. As it was, we simply lacked the physical energy to help God clean out the shallow end of the gene pool. God, no doubt, doesn’t need our help; thus, the Biblical prescription of prayer and fasting when one knows one is going up against powers and thrones and anencephalics in high places.

Just so you know, the anencephalics among us are sort of aware that there IS a problem with illegal immigrants coming into our country across our southern border where a large number of the scum of the earth have been amassing and committing atrocities for several years now. Unfortunately, the anencephalics believe that the solution to this problem is to legalize drugs and illegal immigrants. They believe that if there were no laws then there would be no law-breakers. Life is simple for the anencephalic.

We pointed out to them that these law-breakers were not just illegal immigrants who deal in drugs. We told them that these people are also assassins so, in order to keep them from breaking that law, as they did when they crossed the border into Arizona and killed a rancher (and his dog), we would need to legalize MURDER. The anencephalics blinked as us with a rather hopeful expression on their faces. (Perhaps the alcohol hadn’t kicked in yet and they were thinking that when we did get around to legalizing murder, they could get away with offing us.) We told them that these law-breakers are also into KIDNAPPING making Phoenix the kidnapping capitol of the not-so-United States so KIDNAPPING would need to be legalized, as well. The anencephalics looked willing, after all no one was attempting to kidnap them. (The short story “The Ransom of Red Chief” comes to mind as a reason why not.) We pointed out that these illegal intruders were also into human trafficking so in order to keep them from being law-breakers we would need to legalize SLAVERY. They didn’t seem to think that would be a tough sell, or if they did, they kept it to themselves. And then, of course, there are also the illegal immigrants who engage in illegal arms dealing and money laundering. We are pretty sure the FBI would take a dim view of having their revenues reduced even temporarily while the Federal Government found a way to tax the licensing of money laundering, but maybe not. Maybe a lot of anencephalics have infiltrated there, too.

So, Arizona, you are truly a bright beacon of sanity in a world gone mad — or at least, a country gone anencephalic. We are certain that you are not grieving Gallup New Mexico’s boycott. That would simply make Arizona highways and bi-ways a lot safer from inebriated drivers. We don’t know how you are feeling about Los Angeles’ desire to boycott you by breaking contracts, though. But we do know that liberals have NO RESPECT for the LAW, even CONTRACT LAW; so we would like to suggest that since they want to void all laws, you could follow suit by denying them the electrical power that is produced in Arizona and sold to Los Angeles. And as icing on that cake, without power to broadcast, we wouldn’t have to hear from the Left Coast Anencephalics. A WIN-WIN situation if ever we heard one.

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