A Committee of Correspondence

A Committee of Correspondence

The Ant & The Grasshopper

This arrived anonymously in our Inbox. We thought it was cute and hoped you would enjoy the humor, as well. We do NOT know the author. But we are pretty sure it wasn’t Aesop.

Two Different Versions — Two Different Morals

The Ant and the Grasshopper, Version One

with apologies to Aesop

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper, even though he is young healthy and able-bodied, thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant who, though very tired after a long summer spent working hard in the unrelenting heat of the summer sun, is now warm and well-fed in front of his tiny fireplace in his small snug home. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE OLD STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

The Ant and the Grasshopper, Version Two

with even more apologies to Aesop

The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his small house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper, who is young healthy and able-bodied, thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well-fed while he, the grasshopper who spent the entire summer playing and taunting the ant, is now cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his modest but comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America, ignoring all the hard work the ant has put in each and every day of his life while being ridiculed by the grasshopper who apparently had nothing else to do all summer long, is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kismet D. Frog appears in a special with the grasshopper; and everybody cries when they sing, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green…’

Occupy the Anthill stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s modest but well-maintained house where the news stations film the SEIU group singing, “We Shall Overcome.” Then the Rev. Jiminey T. Locust has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper’s situation, while he damns all of the ants worldwide.

The person who has usurped the office of President of the United States blames President Bush (43), President Bush (41), President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper’s plight. Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity Act retroactive to the beginning of summer — every summer, since the very first ever summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs even though the ant never had any employees because he couldn’t afford them.

Having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, the ant’s home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn’t maintain it since that involves actual work. The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the now ramshackle, but once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses, taking the rest of the free world with it.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in 2012.


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